


phantasmal and resplendent

by asporkthief



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Role Reversal, Gen, POV Second Person, Tazswap, one line of implied taakitz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-20 18:42:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11926926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asporkthief/pseuds/asporkthief
Summary: "For the record, I knew the whole time. I just knew you'd be mad if I ripped your dumbass hat."A tazswapped version of the big reveal during ep 67.





	phantasmal and resplendent

The brunt of the rhino’s force sends you flying across the room, Umbra Staff in one direction, hat in another. This isn’t ideal, obviously, but you’ve rolled with worse before. Though the hat may be the only piece of your brother you have left, you are in a fight for your life, so you roll towards your staff first. Luckily, Angus picks the hat up and shouts, “I got it, ma’am!”. Unluckily, the rhino hears and charges towards him. His wand is broken. You’re too far away from your staff. You cannot help him.

But the hat does. You don’t even have time to scream before Angus is gone. The rhino charges directly into Noelle’s barricade, bouncing off and fading into nothingness. Seconds later, Angus reappears directly to your left, 30 feet from where he was once standing.

He’s panicked. “Ma’am...I don’t…I didn’t…I don’t even know that spell! I didn’t cast that, ma’am!”

You stare at the hat on his head.

“I know, Angus. I know.”

* * *

 It is the 92nd cycle.  You’ve spent the entire year playing with the sick-ass new staff you built and loving it - no matter how many times Taako says you look like Mr. Bing-Bong. He’s just jealous that the Krebstar can’t absorb magical energy like your staff can. At least, that’s what you say to get on his nerves.

As it turns out, it absolutely does get on his nerves. Taako challenges you to another duel, but this time he doesn’t bring his new Glaive. He just has his dumb hat.

“So, you’re coming prepared to lose this time?” You tease.

He just smirks, “Yeah, we’ll see about that.”

You ready your staff and shoot a Magic Missile slightly past his head. His hat, as if it wasn’t weird enough on its own, flips inside out on his head, absorbs your shot, and fires it back.

The shock alone is enough to end the fight.

“Taako,” You say, “what the fuck?”

“Well I wasn’t gonna let you be the only one with the power to absorb magic, obviously.”

“So you put it in your ugly hat?”

“Okay, first off, this hat is better than you will ever be. Second of all, yeah. What if I get disarmed? Now my hat can do magic for me. It’s fucking awesome.”

You smile. Taako has always been the craftier one. It’s a great idea, you think, I’m proud of you. “You look ridiculous,” You say instead, “You look like a clown.”

He laughs loudly, “Well there’s no accounting for taste.”

* * *

 You have been on this plane for 20 months, and you are destroying it. Not directly, of course, but your gauntlet is causing massive devastation wherever it touches. It hurts the world more than the other relics, and it hurts you. A lot. You tell everyone at dinner that the town of Cordelia was just destroyed by your mistake. Thousands of people are dead. Talk about bringing the mood down. No one really says anything to you as they head back to their quarters that night. Everyone, of course, except  Taako.

“It’s not your fault,” He says. “You didn’t mean to make something like that. I understood your rationale….that it was just damage and that limited the possibilities of perversion andㅡyou didn’t mean for any this to happen.”

“I know that, Taako,” you say, your voice betraying how heavy your heart feels, “I know the Hunger’s not here, and the Hunger is worse than anything we’ve ever done; I get that. But I can’t help but wonder, did we make the right decision?”

He places his hand on your arm, “Sometimes there aren’t right decisions. There are just decisions. Who knows if Lucretia’s shield would have worked? The devastation that the Hunger would have brought to this world would be much worse than what we did to it.”

“Yeah, you’re right Taako. It’s gotta be better.” You don’t truly believe that. Taako can tell.

He sighs dramatically and says, “Alright, I’ll do it one time.” He walks over to the record player and puts on the Thong Song, breaking into the lip sync he’s done since you were kids. He knows it always cheers you up. Not even halfway into the song you’re doubled over at the kitchen table with tears in your eyes - for the first time in a while, from happiness. The song ends and you can’t stop laughing to even thank him.

He sits down next to you and smiles and says, “Lup, I couldn’t have done any of this without you. Hell, I wouldn’t have even made it this far if you weren’t here with me. I know this is sappy and shit but...thank you.”

He hugs you tightly and heads off to bed.

The next morning, you wake up early to sneak off. Though Taako did give a great speech, you can’t let the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet fall into the wrong hands anymore. But, as you go to leave your note on the kitchen table, you realize that someone beat you to the punch. You turn around, running to go wake up Kravitz, as the words you just read echo through your brain.

_Back soon. - T_

* * *

 You hesitantly reach out and pluck the hat of Angus’s head.

 The entire time, you thought that your fear had been pushed onto Taako as well. That after you talked to him, he went to go find the Philosopher’s Stone. No wonder you couldn’t find him. No wonder his hat was in the cave. He went looking for the gauntlet. He went to get your peace of mind.

“Stupid,” you whisper as you run you hands over the hat, too fond for your own good. There’s a small hole from the 43rd cycle, when it got caught on a tree branch. He never did bother to patch it. Then again, neither did you.

 Looping two fingers through the hole and gripping the brim firmly, you rip the hat in half.

The explosion that follows is entirely melodramatic and so very, very him.

Fireworks and smoke fill the air from where the hat sits on the floor. The room starts flashing as it transmutes into different gemstones, and through the haze you watch the Hunger in the room explode into a multitude of bright lights and colors. When the strobe light has faded, you see Taako, phantasmal and resplendent, the magic fading from his outstretched hand. He turns to you, in all his lich glory, and says “Took you long enough.”

 You can’t see definition in his face, but you know he’s smiling.

You smile too.

**Author's Note:**

> For clarity, hat!Taako cast Blink on good ol' Angus, who was so scared he sprinted to Lup in the ethereal plane. Also, this is the first time that hat!Taako cast any spell that affected the person wearing the hat and not just the hat itself.


End file.
